Fire in the Hole!

Many of my projects start out the same way: I tell the wife I want to 'investigate' something and then 30 minutes later it has gotten to a point where it is so bad that we either need to finish the project or sell the house. This is never my intention, I just investigate things very thoroughly. When I was younger my mother always made me walk around stores with my hands in my pockets because she had paid for too many things that I had 'investigated'.

I decided it was time to investigate the downstairs pellet stove!

It looks so innocent, playing with those kids toys, but hides a black heart full of regret

This is how I saw it going in my mind; the back plate gets removed and I look behind the stove with a flashlight. That's it. We see how everything is connected and I make a game plan for future removal. Easy peasy 10 minute project that gives me peace of mind. Most people who know me have figured out that I have difficulty getting something from my brain out into the real world intact. Sentences, ideas, recipes, anything. Just like when I draw a picture, it looks great in my head but I can't make my hands translate it properly.

In my mind he was a character for my book. On paper, a tortured soul from the abyss.

The back plate came off really easily, partly because it was only attached by a few screws and partly because there were several screws already missing. Once I slipped the plate off I found everything covered by some fiberglass insulation. Of course I started removing it, I needed to see behind the stove. This is where the project started to go south. First I found that the insulation had been jammed around the stove and the vent pipe. Now I am not a professional insulation guy but I don't think it was supposed to be done like that.

I'm sure the warning was hard to read due to the scorch marks

Now there is dirt and soot everywhere and all the insulation has been thrown away. At this point I was thinking that I could still just reattach the back plate and deal with the stove another day. Before I did that I wanted to move the stove a bit to see how the flue pipe was attached. "Was attached"... It was only held on by a screw and a piece of metal tightened against the back of the stove. Again, perfect opportunity to back out. Nope, time to take off the screw.

If the insulation melts onto the pipe the efficiency increases

Did you know that soot lives inside flue pipes? If you remove that pipe and move it around the soot goes from inside the pipe to outside. Physics is amazing. Now I'm really in trouble because I can't leave a pile of soot sitting on the floor. Soot is also fun to say. To clean the soot I needed to move the stove a bit more. To move the stove more I needed to empty the pellets out by hand. A pellet stove is only designed to have the pellets go in one way and come out as smoke, not to be removed half a handful at a time through a thin hopper opening. They even design it so that you can't put your hand in and sharpen the metal so that your hand gets cut up if you forget to wear gloves.

Now we are committed to the project. The stove is moved enough that it is unsafe for children and dogs, and I can't move it back because it is super heavy and gravity wasn't on my side. I am also not very strong in the traditional sense. The wife helpfully suggests getting a friend over to move the stove out of the house.

Exactly what I look like when doing a project, clueless and surrounded by debris.

Pro Tip: Empty pellet stoves still weigh approximately a bajillion pounds.

What I thought would be a 15 minute move turned into an hour long slog of moving this beast one foot at a time. With much pain and swearing we were able to get it out to the shed and hidden from sight. Now we can post it on Craigslist for sale. I will make sure to note they need at least 10-15 strong men and an eighteen-wheel truck.

A project at The Porter House would not be complete without an unforeseen issue that turns into another project. Life wouldn't be fun if a project just ended, would it? What extra project could possibly come from moving a stove you ask? Something easy like removing the extra flue pipe so the fireplace is clear? Cleaning up some extra soot? Picking the lock of the treasure chest you found hidden behind, discovering lost gold and magical artifacts?

Nope, they wrecked the fireplace to fit the stove in. Now I need to fix that too.

Some spackle and a coat of paint, no one will even notice

Time to learn how to lay brick!

We also found that Barrie Pace Ltd plaque used as a spacer under the stove. Uncle Google told me it was a clothing line for women, but if anyone else has more info on what it is/was I would love to hear from you. I don't know why but I really like the sign, so I think it will end up getting cleaned and hung somewhere. Maybe I can just hang it over the hole in the bricks and call it a day.

- The Porter -